How does one find the line between cautious and paranoid? Between enjoying life and just trying not to lose it? I look at everything as a possible symptom. It’s hard to know what was a symptom before and what was just me. I can’t seem to tell them apart anymore and until that gets easier everything is going to appear to be a warning sign. I want to understand what my version of ordinary is going to be. What will my normal hemoglobin and platelet count be? It certainly won’t be between 12-18. Will doctors simply be ecstatic to see a number in the double digits at all? And how long will I be on these steroids? These addictive, angry, sweaty, hungry, appetite-inducing steroids?! What is commuting to work going to be like? Can I be around people at all when my immune system is this suppressed? Am I going to have to wear a mask? Sometimes ignorance is bliss.